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Jokes

A Dinner with girlfriend

Here is a good one for a laughter….

 

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,”Hello, could you give me condom. I’m going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!”

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out;he returns and says, “Give me another condom because my girlfriend’s sister is very cute too.She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too.”

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says,
“Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend’s mum is still pretty cute and
when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying,”Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us”.
A minute later the boy is still praying; “Thank you Lord for your kindness.”

Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others.

She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, “I didn’t know you were so religious.”

The boy replies, “I DIDN’T KNOW YOUR DAD WAS A PHARMACIST”

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300 dubbed in Ilonggo

This is what happened when the movie 300 is dubbed in ilonggo. New title: Benjo kag ang batalyon Pitbull
This is SOOO FUNNY….
Watch out for part 2… :D

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Laugh time


Lesson learned: Control your fart or DIE.

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Can’t get through

*Call Center Joke

Customer: “I’ve been ringing your call center on 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?”

Operator: “Where did you get that number from, sir?”

Customer: “It was on the door to the travel center.”

Operator: “Sir, they are our opening hours.”

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The Perfect Filipina Wife

Just for laughs!

This Filipino couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although he was very much in love, couldn’t wait to go into town and party with his old buddies, so he said to his wife:

“Maganda kong asawa, I’ll be right back….” “Where are you going, guapo kong asawa….? asked the wife.
“I’m going to the bar, Mahal. I’m going to have a beer.” The wife says to him, “You want a beer, my lub …?”

Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different
countries: “Tignan mo nga yan state side pa, Germany, Holland, Japan, India…..”

The husband doesn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is: “Yes, puso ko…. but the bar…
you know…. the frozen glass….”

He didn’t finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, “Ay nako, pa prozen-prozen glass pa.” She takes
a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale says: “Pero sa bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious….I won’t be
long. I’ll be right back. I promise, OK….?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, swithart…?” She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken
wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

“But LUB naman…..at the bar….you know….the swearing….the dirty words and all that….”

“You want dirty words, huwag kang mag-alala kaya kong mag bastos…..

HERE, INUMIN MO NA ITONG PUTANG INANG
BEER NA NASA PROZEN
CUP ATCHAKA KAININ MO NA ITONG
PUTRAGIS NA ORDERBS. AKALA MO
MAKAKALABAS KA SA BAHAY … HAYOP KA!!!!!

:-D

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Bisaya Espisyal

Oh, I just finished cooking today :-) and the left side of my mouth is still numb (lolz, that means I can’t eat yet :-( )..we went to my dentist this morning to get my fillings done. Well, its not yet done, the right portion still needs to be fixed but anyway, let me give you some laugh time.

Here’s some jokes from James.

Funny Face

————————————————————–
Mga Bisaya’y di ko maintindihan.
Inglis nang isda — pis; nang mukha — pis;
nang pandikit — pis; nang kapayapaan –
pis;
tinanong pa ako kung saan ako nakatera
– Pis I or pis II.
—————————————————————
Anak; Unsay escalator, Tay ?
Tatay: Hagdan saka kanaog.
Anak: Kanang elevator?
Tatay: Kahon sakyan saka kanaog.
Anak: Calculator, Tay?
Tatay: Kana, wa pa ko kasakay.
—————————————————————
2 ka misis nangamote…
misis1: mahinumdon gyug ko sa ITLOG sa
akong BANA aning KAMOTEHA.
misis 2: sa KADAK-ON?
misis 1: DILI,..sa KABULINGON!!
—————————————————————
Husband (hubog) : Darling , atong CR ba,
Morag gi-abat!?
Wife : Ngano man?
Husband: Kay kada abli nako sa door,
mosiga man ang suga.
Wife: Animal ka!! Ikaw diay nangihi sa
pridyeder!!
—————————————————————

James actually posted this one on his friendster bulletin on which he labeled “Tambal sa Kamingaw”. Thanks James!

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